by Claire Yanoschik APCC #15203

Have you ever wondered why your mind goes blank when you sit down to prepare a presentation? Maybe you have a hard time saying no to people, and often find yourself burnt out and resentful.  

As a therapist, one model of therapy I find helpful in understanding these behaviors is Internal Family Systems (IFS). The basic premise of this model is that our interior world is composed of parts. Suffering occurs when certain parts take on extreme roles, or when the parts are in conflict with one another. Often our anxieties and overreactions happen when we want to avoid feeling pain, shame, or fear, and the active “manager” or reactive “firefighter” parts jump into high gear. In the Four Quartets, T.S. Eliot reflected that, “Human kind cannot bear very much reality.” Fear, shame, and grief are sometimes so painful that we push them out of consciousness to carry on with our lives. 

Healing involves updating those parts that took on extreme roles (very often this happened when we were young and had a narrow view of the world), and allowing the parts burdened with shame and fear to unburden themselves. The parts let go of shame when, in IFS terms, your system allows your true self to lead. Jay Earley, explains in his book Self-Therapy: “Fortunately, human beings are not simply a collection of parts. We are so much more than that. Our true Self is mature and loving, and has the capacity to heal and integrate our parts” (p. 35). Our true self is good, and the goal in IFS is to build trust between the true self and parts so that the parts feel safe to let go of their extreme roles. Then the parts holding shame and fear, parts we are sometimes unaware of, feel safe to release their burdens. Gerry Crete says, “When we allow our inmost self to interact positively with our parts, the entire internal system starts working in positive ways. We become more functional, more integrated, more present, and more relational” (Litanies of the Heart, p. 5). 

I love the gentle, respectful approach of this model, and its focus on safety and building trust while exploring the underlying causes of pain. IFS encourages us to approach our parts and their troubling, extreme roles, with curiosity, and to make time to understand why a part needed to take on a role in the first place. Even the habits and addictions we despise most about ourselves are parts of us desperately trying to avoid pain. I think the goal of approaching parts with curiosity in order to learn their good intentions helps integrate the parts into our vision of ourselves and imitates Christ’s compassion for the outcasts of society. 

Psalm 4:4 says: “Be angry, but sin not; commune with your own hearts on your beds, and be silent.” A first step to take in cultivating this inner recollection is to simply take the time to notice what is going on inside. You will likely have greater insight into the parts of your system and the burdened exiles hidden below your awareness, when you look with curiosity at the time the emotion arises. As the Psalm suggests, communing with your parts, with compassion and curiosity, can be a first step in building the habit of remaining in self, to facilitate healing and integrating different parts in your system. If this practice doesn’t seem possible for you at the time the emotion arises, then perhaps you could take some time to reflect on your day before you go to bed, or in the morning before you start the day. 

Feel free to reach out to me with questions or to schedule an appointment. My email is claire.yanoschik@protonmail.com. If you are interested in learning more on your own, I loved Litanies of the Heart by Catholic therapist, Dr. Gerry Crete. Dr. Peter Malinoski also has an excellent podcast called Interior Integration for Catholics. 

References:

Crete, Gerry. (2023). Litanies of the Heart. Manchester, New Hampshire. Sophia Institute Press. 

Earley, Jay. (2022). Self-Therapy: a step-by-step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy. San Rafael, California. Pattern System Books. 

Eliot, T.S. (1943). The Four Quartets. 

The Holy Bible: Revised Standard Version. San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 1966.