By Adam Cross LMFT

The path to the priesthood is not just about academics and spiritual growth — it is a journey of trust, vulnerability, and learning to surrender to God’s will. In a recent conversation with a counselor who works closely with seminaries and religious communities, we explored how therapy, formation, and faith intersect — and what it really takes to flourish in priestly formation.

The Role of Therapy in Formation

Many seminarians experience anxiety when they are recommended for therapy. Some fear it’s simply a “checkbox” on the formation list or worry about what formators will think. Yet, when handled well, therapy can become a powerful part of formation.

“Therapy works best when a client is intrinsically motivated for change,” our guest explained. “But even when someone comes in because it was recommended, we can work together to make it meaningful. This is your time — your therapy — and you have the right to shape it.”

Therapists encourage seminarians to take ownership of the process, to be honest about how they feel, and to explore what they hope to gain from therapy. Sometimes this even means acknowledging feelings of resistance or fear. These conversations can lead to unexpected breakthroughs — not just in therapy, but in formation as a whole.

Obedience and Maturity: A Core Calling

While celibacy often gets the most public attention, obedience can be an even greater challenge for many seminarians. Obedience calls a man to trust his formators, let go of pride, and allow himself to be shaped by the process.

“I’ve seen obedience be just as difficult, if not more so, than celibacy,” our guest noted. “It asks a man to surrender his independence and trust that those guiding him have his best interests at heart.”

For some seminarians — especially those who have been successful professionals before entering seminary — obedience can feel like a disruption to their self-sufficiency. But embracing obedience becomes a key marker of maturity and discernment. It’s one of the ways seminarians grow into spiritual fatherhood.

Trust and Attachment: The Foundation of Openness

Seminarians are not just learning theology — they are building relationships. Attachment theory offers insight here: trust and security form the foundation that allows someone to be vulnerable and honest. Good formators know this.

“Formators have to build rapport and trust,” our guest shared. “They can’t expect seminarians to open up and then be punished for their honesty. Skilled formators create a safe environment where even difficult disclosures are met with compassion and support.”

When trust is present, seminarians often experience relief after opening up about struggles they had hidden for years. Instead of judgment, they find understanding and a path forward.

When the System Isn’t Perfect

Of course, no seminary or religious house is perfect, and not every experience is free of pain. Some seminarians may encounter formators who are less skilled at building trust or who unintentionally create an environment that feels punitive. These experiences can be discouraging, but they can also become moments of deeper discernment.

Returning to the bigger “why” — Why am I here? What is God calling me to? — can help a seminarian work through those moments, seek out mentors they trust, and continue growing even through hardship.

The Bigger Picture: Flourishing in Formation

Ultimately, formation is not meant to break a man down but to help him flourish — spiritually, emotionally, and relationally. It is a journey toward freedom, not fear.

“Most formators I’ve worked with deeply care about the men entrusted to them,” our guest reflected. “They want them to be holy, healthy, and free — and they’re willing to walk with them through whatever challenges come up.”

This spirit of accompaniment is a reminder that formation is a collaborative process. It requires courage from the seminarian, humility from the formator, and trust that God is at work in every moment — even the uncomfortable ones.

---

If you’d like to explore more about seminary formation and vocations, check out recent articles in the National Catholic Register or look up reports from Georgetown’s CARA research center. These resources shed light on trends, challenges, and reasons for hope as vocations continue to grow in many parts of the country.

Above all, pray for seminarians and those who form them — that trust, obedience, and courage may continue to bear fruit in the next generation of priests.

Check out our podcast episode on this topic: https://youtu.be/H_K5wOZRE3M

To schedule an appointment with Adam Cross LMFT #116623 please call (805) 428-3755, email amc.cross7@gmail.com, or visit the contact page at adamcrossmft.com/contact