Based on the Catholic Therapy Center Podcast episode
Growing up Catholic, I heard this phrase more than once in hard seasons:
“Just be grateful.”
Count your blessings.
At least you have food.
It could be worse.
Thank God for what you have.
And while gratitude is beautiful… sometimes those words land like a dismissal.
Because when you’re grieving — really grieving — forced gratitude can feel like someone is asking you to skip Good Friday and jump straight to Easter Sunday.
It can feel like:
“You’re not seeing me.”
“You’re not honoring this pain.”
“You’re trying to fix me instead of sitting with me.”
So how do we hold gratitude and grief together without dishonoring either?
How do we avoid the extremes of despair on one side and denial on the other?
How do we live in the tension of both?
The Myth We Need to Bust
There’s a subtle lie many Christians believe:
If I feel grief, I must not be grateful.
If I feel gratitude, I must not really be grieving.
That is simply not true.
You can feel both at the exact same time.
In fact, mature faith requires it.
Grief and gratitude are not enemies.
They are companions.
And they are meant to coexist.
When Gratitude Becomes Dismissive
There’s a difference between inviting someone into gratitude and imposing it on them.
If someone is not ready — if their nervous system is overwhelmed, if their heart is raw — pushing gratitude too quickly can feel minimizing.
“Well, at least…”
Those two words have quietly wounded many people.
Because grief needs reverence.
It needs space.
It needs witnessing.
It needs silence.
Before someone can say, “Thank you, Lord,”
they may need to say, “Why, Lord?”
The Psalms are full of both.
“How long, O Lord?” (Psalm 13)
and
“Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good.” (Psalm 118)
Scripture itself models this tension.
The Opposite of Sin Is Praise
There is a powerful insight from the Church’s spiritual tradition:
The opposite of sin is not virtue — it is praise.
Sin bends inward.
It collapses the heart.
It forgets who God is.
Praise reorients.
It remembers.
It lifts the gaze.
Think of Paul and Silas in prison (Acts 16).
They are not bargaining with God.
They are not demanding rescue.
They begin to sing.
They praise.
An earthquake follows.
Chains fall.
Doors open.
Notice something important:
Their praise did not deny the prison.
It did not pretend the suffering wasn’t real.
But it re-centered reality.
Praise says:
God is still good.
God is still sovereign.
God is still writing a story.
That posture changes everything.
God Does Not Dismiss Grief — He Enters It
Here is the heart of the Gospel:
God does not stand outside suffering offering platitudes.
He became man.
He entered grief.
He entered abandonment.
He entered injustice.
He entered death.
“Jesus wept.” (John 11:35)
He did not rush Mary and Martha past their grief.
He stood in it with them.
And then He raised Lazarus.
God does not pacify grief.
He conquers it — but through communion.
That means when you are grieving, you are not alone.
Your grief is joined to Christ’s grief.
Your suffering matters.
It is not wasted.
It is not invisible.
It is not dismissed.
Good Friday Without Easter… and Easter Without Good Friday
If all we have is Good Friday, we fall into despair.
If all we have is Easter Sunday, we fall into denial.
Both distort reality.
A world without resurrection is hopeless.
A spirituality without the Cross is shallow.
We need both.
We need:
The tomb.
The waiting.
The anger.
The confusion.
The silence.
And we need:
Resurrection.
Restoration.
Justice.
Joy.
Redemption.
You cannot have one without the other.
And spiritually healthy Catholics learn to hold both.
The Fruit of Trust Is Joy
There is something profoundly Marian about this tension.
When Mary said “yes,” she did not have clarity.
She did not have guarantees.
She did not have social security.
She had uncertainty.
And yet, her trust bore joy.
Joy is not the absence of grief.
It is the fruit of trust in the middle of it.
If God is good…
If His plan is good…
If resurrection is real…
Then even in the darkest season, there can be a thread of gratitude.
Not because the pain is small.
But because God is bigger.
How to Practice Both
So what does this look like practically?
It may look like:
- Crying in prayer.
- Yelling at God.
- Sitting in silence.
- Reading a Psalm of lament.
- Naming the injustice.
- Naming the ache.
And then — gently —
- Saying, “God, I trust You.”
- Thanking Him for His presence.
- Praising Him for who He is.
- Waiting.
- Holding onto hope when you can’t see it yet.
Gratitude does not erase grief.
It anchors it.
It reminds your heart:
This is not the end of the story.
Give Grief Reverence
Before we invite gratitude, we often need to give grief reverence.
Sit at the foot of your cross.
Sit at the tomb.
Sit in the silence of Holy Saturday.
And remember:
Resurrection is coming.
Even if you cannot see it.
Even if you cannot feel it.
Even if you are still waiting.
God is doing something.
He always is.
Holding the Tension
Grief and gratitude.
Not one or the other.
Not “but.”
Not “at least.”
Both.
And.
Your grief is real.
Your gratitude is possible.
You can mourn deeply and trust boldly.
You can ache and praise.
You can cry and believe.
That tension is not weakness.
It is faith.
Reflection Questions
- Where in my life am I grieving right now?
Have I given that grief reverence and space? - Has someone’s attempt at gratitude ever felt dismissive to me?
How can I be more sensitive when others are grieving? - What would it look like to praise God for who He is — even before my circumstances change?
- Am I living in Good Friday without hope of Easter?
Or in Easter without acknowledging the Cross? - Where might God be inviting me to trust Him more deeply?
- What small act of gratitude can I offer today — not to deny my grief, but to anchor it in hope?
You are allowed to grieve.
You are invited to praise.
And you are never alone in either.
Grief and gratitude belong together.
And so do you and God — even here.
The Catholic Therapy Center 